


He Ain't Heavy...

by Donovanspen



Series: Take My Hand [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accountant Castiel, Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Insecure Castiel, M/M, Misunderstandings, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Private security Dean Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 05:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8191270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: Dean seizes an opportunity to get Cas and Sam to clear the air. Cas is less than pleased with Dean's actions.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them.
> 
> (I don’t own anything related to Supernatural. Just having fun writing stories.)

Cas pulled the last of the clothes from the dryer and tossed them in the laundry basket. A sharp pain shot through his lower back when he attempted to stand up straight. Dropping the basket back onto the floor, he leaned against the dryer. He waited for about a minute and then tried to straighten up again. This time he only felt a small burn. He eyed the basket, trying to determine whether he should attempt bending over again. Deciding the laundry could wait, he went into the kitchen to grab some ibuprofen. Fifteen minutes with the heating pad should help loosen him up. He wanted to be feeling better before Dean got home. 

After their trip to Chicago, their relationship issues seemed to settle down. Dean went out of his way to pamper Cas whenever he was home. Dean still didn’t get much time off, but what little time he did get, he spent at home. He settled on the sofa with the heating pad and some pillows. He groaned in relief as the heat started working through his tight muscles. He was beginning to think the doctors had no idea what was going on with his back. They told him one thing and then sent him to physical therapy where the therapists told him something completely different. Dean suggested he switch doctors, but with the loss of his income, Cas was reluctant to add to their debt with more medical bills. If Dean knew the extent of his discomfort, he would insist that Cas make the change so he did his best to keep Dean from worrying. He would have to come up with something soon, though, because his usual remedies for relief were no longer working as well. 

He awoke some time later to find Dean standing over him, his lips compressed in a tight frown. “You ok? You didn’t even hear me come in or call out to you. Did you take a pill? How long were you on the heating pad?”

It took a moment for the haze to clear and for him to focus on Dean’s question. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. No pills. I guess the warmth just felt so good, relaxing.”

“Good thing it’s an auto shut-off. What happened?" Dean asked, settling in next to Cas. 

He gave a slight shrug, hoping to avoid a serious conversation, but Dean’s frown hinted that wasn’t going to be enough. “I’m fine,” he insisted. “I was doing laundry, and I moved the wrong way. I felt a twinge in my back and thought it would be best to rest for a bit. It’s not a big deal, I promise.”

Dean seemed to accept his explanation, as he didn’t press him anymore. Instead he asked what Cas wanted to do for dinner. 

“I thought we’d make a salad and clear out the leftovers.”

“Works for me. I could certainly use an easy night. Why don’t I make the salad while you rest?”

Cas started to protest, but Dean was already up and heading into the kitchen. He felt bad that Dean was taking care of dinner after working all day. True, they used to do it when they both worked but now Cas felt that the least he could do was maintain the house. Too bad he was failing on that front as well. He hadn’t finished the laundry, and now Dean was covering dinner as well. Figuring he could at least set the table, Cas moved to get up, stopping short when he felt that all too familiar unwelcome pull on his muscles. 

Hoping that he just needed to stretch and get moving, Cas eased himself up from the sofa, all the while glancing towards the kitchen. Once he was on his feet, he joined Dean and started gathering plates, glasses and silverware. 

“I saw that,” Dean told him as he took the chicken from the microwave. “I don’t want you hiding this stuff from me.”

“Dean, I promise it’s fine. It was just a little twinge left over from earlier.”

“Is that still supposed to be a thing? I thought the therapy was going to help give you a better range of motion and help you heal.”

Cas concentrated on setting the table, taking care to keep his movements deliberate. Dean had always been observant, and Cas knew that he wouldn’t be easily placated now that he suspected something was wrong.

“It has helped. It’s a process, and it just may take a while, but I’m making progress.”

Dean tossed him a skeptical look but didn’t press the issue. Cas felt guilty knowing that Dean was too overwhelmed with work to be more involved and that he was using that situation to his advantage. He justified his actions by telling himself that he was looking out for Dean by not causing him unnecessary stress. 

They almost had their meal heated and were about to sit down when the doorbell rang. He glanced at Dean who shook his head. “Probably the neighbors,” he guessed. 

He wished it had been sweet Mrs. Pascatelli from across the street. Hell, he’d even take the bigoted Dennis Beckford from the end of the block instead of the couple who had dropped in on them. 

“Hey Sammy, Sarah.” Dean greeted his brother with a clap on the shoulder and a hug and a kiss on the cheek for Sarah. “You guys just in the neighborhood?”

“Not even close,” Sarah replied, “but since we can’t seem to ever catch up with you two, we decided to come to the source.”

“Yeah, we’re beginning to think you were avoiding us,” Sam teased.

Cas felt his stomach tighten up and wondered if he could make his excuses and retreat upstairs. He normally enjoyed when the two couples got together, but he wasn’t ready to face Dean’s family just yet. Unfortunately, Sarah was on him before he could slip away. 

“Hey, Stranger. I haven’t seen you in ages.” She pulled him in close for a hug but withdrew with a slight frown. “Is this a bad time?”

“Nah,” Dean replied. “We’re just getting ready for dinner. Leftover clean-out. You staying?”

Sam chuckled. “Oh man, I haven’t had a leftover clean-out in years.”

“It’s all that bachelor living. You in?”

“Yeah, if it’s no problem.” 

“None at all. Now I don’t have to eat Cas’ squash casserole.”

Cas went to grab more plates. He’d really been hoping that Sam and Sarah were just stopping in for a quick visit. He could feel his nervousness increasing. His appetite was gone, and he felt on edge. 

Fortunately, most of the dinner conversation carried on around him. Sarah kept giving him suspicious looks and tried to draw him in, but Sam and Dean seemed content to carry the brunt of the interaction.

“So,” Sam said. “Mom and Ellen are going to be baking and canning Saturday. They said to be there by 4pm for an early dinner.”

“Oh man, that sounds so good.” Dean looked over at Cas and his smile faded. “But yeah, we’re trying to take it easy and not make any plans this weekend.”

“What plans?” Sam asked. “It’s just hanging out at the farm.”

Dean shrugged. “I just haven’t been around much with all the traveling. Need some down time.”

“Mom said the same thing. She’s counting on you being there.”

“Sam,” Sarah spoke up. “Maybe this just isn’t a good time for them.”

Cas shifted in his seat. Dean was only declining because of him. He wanted to tell him it was all right, they could go and spend the day with his family, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. The thought of spending all day with the Winchester farm was horribly unappealing to him. It was taking so much energy just to sit here and try to pretend everything was fine. 

Now Sarah looked as uncomfortable as he felt, and Sam and Dean were doing that thing where they communicated by looking at each other. 

“Actually,” Dean began. “Cas hasn’t been feeling too comfortable around the family.” Dean stared at him, his expression a mixture between apologetic and defiant. 

Now everyone was doing exactly what Cas had hoped to avoid- staring at him and waiting for an explanation. 

“Did Dad say or do something?” Sam asked. 

“Nothing specific, but it’s a lot of little things building up,” Dean replied. “And…”

“Please don’t,” Cas thought. “Not now.”

“It really bothered Cas when you went off on him a few weeks back.” 

Sarah’s eyebrows shot up as she turned to look at Sam. “You did what?”

Sam shook his head. “When was this?”

“The night at the bar when I couldn’t get a hold of him.”

A look of understanding crossed Sam’s face. “Oh right. But that wasn’t anything.” 

Cas felt a wave of heat wash over him at Sam’s easy dismissal. He wanted Dean to defend him, but was also angry at being unable to do it for himself. Most of all, though, he wanted to get up and walk away from the table, from the Winchesters. 

“Maybe it was to Cas,” Sarah said. “We’ve obviously come at a bad time, and it seems you are part of the reason.” 

“Is that right, Cas? Are you mad because I called you out? In all fairness, you were being a dick.”

“Sam!” Sarah snapped. 

“What? Dean and I call each other out on our shit all the time.”

“He’s not Dean. Cas and I are not Winchesters.”

“He pretty much is. He’s marrying Dean. He’s my brother, and this is how brothers act around each other, right Dean?”

Dean gave a slow nod but kept a careful eye on Cas. 

However, he was done. Done being stared at, done being talked about. “Excuse me.” He started to stand but stopped when Dean reached out and grabbed hold of his arm. 

“We can fix this,” Dean told him.

They were all still staring at him, and he wanted to run, to crawl into his bed and sleep until long after Sarah and Sam had left. He wanted to sleep away the days and not worry about Saturday dinner. Instead he sat back down. 

“Hey, Cas. Man, I’m sorry. I was pretty pissed because Dean was so worried about you. I didn’t realize I had crossed a line. We’ve always been pretty cool with each other, and I thought we were close enough that I could say what was on my mind. I never meant for this to come between us or you and Dean.”

Cas could tell the apology was sincere, but he wasn’t naive. He knew that Sam would be hesitant around him now, and that he and Sarah would always be watching for his reaction. He was sick of feeling so exposed and vulnerable all the time. He knew his cheeks were red, and he’d stopped making eye contact a while ago, instead staring down at his plate. 

“I appreciate your apology, Sam.” If only it was that easy.

“Cas,” Sarah said. ‘It’s not an excuse. I think Sam crossed a line. I certainly wouldn’t appreciate it if Dean spoke to me out of anger. I’ve had my own struggles with dealing with the heavy expectations that come with being involved in this family. It’s ok to be annoyed, and it’s all right to not want to be a part of every gathering. You have that right. Respect has to flow both ways. And I do know for a fact Sam respects you. He speaks very highly of you and with great affection. I think we all just need to remember that we’re individuals.”

“I really am sorry, Cas. I was worried for Dean, and I unleashed on you. I should have been a better brother to you and been there for you instead of attacking you.”

“Thank you, Sam. Sarah. And I apologize for my actions as well. I didn’t handle being fired well, and I’m sorry my lack of forethought caused you unnecessary worry.” He couldn’t stay any longer. His unease was growing by the minute, despite Sam’s apology and reassurance that he liked him. The small amount of food that he did eat was threatening to come back up. “I really need to go lie down. Please excuse me.” 

Dean tried to reach for him again, but Cas waved him off. He was feeling too fragile to reassure Dean. He needed to take care of himself first. 

 

 

Cas closed his book and placed it on the nightstand. His brain hadn’t absorbed anything he’d read, his thoughts too chaotic. His attempt at a nap had been equally unsuccessful. He’d been sitting on their bed for the past hour, tired but too ramped up to rest. The house was quiet. He assumed their guests had left, but Dean hadn’t come upstairs yet. 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about his fiancé. He’d completely thrown him under the bus at dinner, and then didn’t utter one word in his defense. But Dean shouldn’t have to speak for him. He’s a grown man. He was more than capable of accomplishing that task. 

He was shifting around hoping to find a comfortable position when Dean came into the room. 

“Hey. You doing ok?”

Cas watched the hesitation in his movements and realized that Dean was feeling a little unsure. “I’m tired,” he replied.

“Too wound up to sleep?”

Unsure how to answer, Cas gave a slight shrug.

“Look, I get that you’re probably pissed at me, but we needed to clear the air. I won’t put you on the spot and expect you to spend time with my family if they can’t respect you, but Sam is different. He’s genuinely happy for us, and Sarah feels like you guys are kindred spirits. I had to try.”

“You don’t want to have to choose.”

“I’ve already chosen, Cas, but I had to try. This is my family, man.”

“So I’m the bad guy.”

“No. That’s not what I’m saying. Look, I’ve never been in a relationship like this before, never wanted to settle down for the long haul. Do I want everyone to get along so I don’t have to make a choice? Of course, but if that can’t happen, then I choose you. I’m sorry that I suck at making you feel like you’re number one, but I’m trying here.”

Cas didn’t know what to say. No matter how much Dean reassured him, he still felt guilty for pulling Dean away from his family. He was sure that one day Dean would resent him for it. 

“Your mom expects to see you on Saturday.”

“I’ll figure out a time to visit with my folks. Right now, we need to work on us. I gotta tell you, I’m getting a little nervous here. I feel like we’re slipping away.”

Cas couldn’t argue because he’d felt the same way. Maybe Dean would be better off with Lisa. His family adored her, and Dean thought of Ben as his own. Life would be so much easier for everyone involved.

“I, uh, stopped by this natural products store on the way home and picked up these tablets for the shower, supposed to dissolve and make it smell like lavender. Thought it could help you relax. Maybe we can shower together, and I’ll rub your back?”

It was a sweet offer, and he wished he could appreciate it for what it was, but he felt too raw right now. He shook his head, but Dean wasn’t giving up so easily. 

“Come on. I know you probably hate me right now, but sitting here and stewing about it isn’t going to help.”

“Well, what will help?” he pushed back. “Putting me on the spot and making me explain why I’m offended? Making me feel guilty because you have to choose me? So how about I just smile and say everything is ok and then we can keep pretending I’m the one you should be with.” He twisted and tried to crawl over to the other side of the bed to get up and leave, but Dean had his arms around him before his feet could even touch the floor.

“Don’t. Please,” Dean pleaded as he hugged him from behind, his voice soft and warm next to Cas’ ear. “Don’t run away.” 

“That wasn’t ok.”

“If I had asked you to sit down and talk to Sam, would you have done it?”

Cas stiffened but didn’t try to leave again. “Did you invite them over?”

“No. I swear. They just stopped by. I’ve been so busy with that account and wanting to spend time with you, and Sam was just trying to catch up. I had no idea they were coming over. He was upset that night because I was upset. I knew Sam wasn’t holding a grudge. I thought if you could see that, it would make you feel better.”

“Me?” Cas asked.

“Both of us,” Dean admitted. “I know that there are some real problems that we need to address, but Sammy isn’t one of them. And I know I come with a lot of baggage, but he’s not a part of that.”

“It sounds so simple when you say it, and I hate that. I hate that I feel so needy and foolish, like I’m blowing everything out of proportion.”

“You’re not,” Dean told him.

“You don’t believe that.”

“I do,” he insisted. “I know we’re strong medicine. And while I may not always agree with everything you say, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I won’t fight for us.”

“I’m tired, Dean. I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore.”

Dean’s arm tightened slightly around his waist. “Let’s go take that shower.”

Cas huffed out a weary laugh. “That doesn’t solve anything.”

“No, it doesn’t. But maybe you’ll feel how much I love you, and maybe that will be enough for tonight. And tomorrow, I’ll show you in another way, and then again the next day and then the day after that.”

Would it be enough, Cas wondered. What if it wasn’t even Dean or his family? What if it was all him, and he was screwing up the best thing in his life? He was so tired of worrying. He just wanted Dean to take the reigns. He needed to trust him to take care of things. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Dean whispered, his voice a little husky. 

“Yeah.”


End file.
